I’m an Eastcoaster. Born and bred. Although I’ve never been a city slicker, I’ve lived more or less in the Mid-Atlantic ‘burbs for my entire life. This, however, is about to change as I am contemplating a move to Colorado. While I’ll still be in the suburbs of Denver, I’ll have an entire Western wilderness which I intend to use as much as I can bear.
I am also a bit of a die-hard rock climber. While I have no illusions that I am really any good at it, climbing occupies the center of my universe. Particularly a form of climbing called bouldering which involves shorter climbs (about 15 to 25 feet high), but does not involve a rope. I especially like finding new boulder problems. But, alas, living on the East Coast does not lend itself to really finding anything new. Especially boulder problems. While there are a few areas within a two- or three-hour drive from where I live that have a relatively unexplored wilderness of boulders, many of these problems have already been pioneered by locals.
Enter Colorado. There is a LOT of rock in Colorado. If any real rock climber happens to read this post he’ll be thinking that: “Focusing on bouldering in Colorado–or the West in general–is akin to jerking off in a whorehouse.” Regardless of stigma, I am fully prepared, and quite willing, to spend a great deal of time on routes that top out under 25 feet. And, like I mentioned before, I am really excited to do some exploratory bouldering in the unexplored areas of the Eastern Rockies from Colorado north into Wyoming.
“So,” you ask, “what’s up with the Desert Eagle thing? After all, I’ve been reading this stupid story about your boring rock climbing with no mention of the gun that compelled me to click this link in the first place.” One thing about the areas around the Western Continental Divide, especially in Wyoming, is the presence of bears. Namely, grizzly bears, which I’m terrified of. As far as I’m concerned, grizzlies are the closest things to monsters on the face of the earth. Naturally, I’ll want some protection, and a .44 Magnum would work quite well.
Now the manic progression in firearm selection. Initially I wanted to get something light since I will be carrying it around on relatively long backcountry excursions. Taurus makes a lightweight .44 that weighs less than 29 ounces. This was certainly satisfactory in that it was both light and chambered the .44; additionally, the Taurus is a revolver–low maintenance–and comes in stainless–since I’ll undoubtedly drop it in some body of water. Good solution. Decent price at under $700 msrp.
But, of course, I couldn’t stop there. I’m a bit worried, whether justifiably or not, that the lightweight Taurus frame will make shooting it a pain. Literally. I’ve shot a heavyweight .44 and it really beat me up. So, following the Western theme, I thought a nice single-action six-gun would be nice. I feel that I’d actually enjoy the novelty of shooting a single-action six. Finding a good-quality .44 Mag in single-action that is a pure cowboy gun, however, is difficult. U.S. Firearms makes a very nice six-gun called the Rodeo Gun, but it only chambers the .45 Colt which isn’t really powerful enough to take down a grizzly; many internet “experts” assume as much, anyway. So, after some more looking around, I found the Ruger Super Blackhawk which is a very nice single-action six that chambers a .44 Mag. To boot, it comes in stainless, is a nice weight at 45 ounces, and is fairly inexpensive at $650. Possibly a better choice. Possibly the best choice.
Now the real leap of faith. I mentioned before that I like novelty. While contemplating the two guns mentioned above and comparing their merits, an idea popped into my head: Desert Eagle. This is the gun of Snatch (Bullet-Tooth Tony) and mid-90s Gangsta Rap fame. The typical chambering is .50 Action Express (AE) which is an absolutely enormous round with some ballistics traits that are similarly off the charts. It kind of makes the .44 look like a baby. Contemplating this for a moment, however, I realized that the .50 AE is a little big and bullets cost $2 a piece. The $2 per shot thing is actually what turned me off.
But, for poor climbing bums like myself, the folks at Magnum Research, who manufacture the semi-auto Desert Eagle, also sell a .44 Mag variety. Now we’re talking. Yet, despite this wonderful find, I was quickly brought down to earth by the fact that the .44 Eagle weights about 70 ounces (that’s almost four-and-a-half pounds) and costs between $1,000 and $1,500. Additionally, I think a ranger would be much more understanding if he or she found me wandering around the backcountry a single-action .44 rather than the notorious Desert Eagle. But let’s not write it off so quickly. That’s what I tell myself, anyway. I’ve always wanted an excuse to buy a Desert Eagle.
So, over the next few months I will contemplate which gun I should purchase to take down the bear which will most likely never attack me. More importantly, I will have to find a way to scrape together the funds to buy any one of these. We shall see. I suspect I’ll end up with the Ruger. That’s if I end up with any of them.